People love to talk about clarity as if it’s something you can just manifest by thinking hard enough about the future. They’ll tell you to visualize where you want to be, set some goals, and clarity is supposed to be achieved. SMART goals, vision boards, journaling prompts.
But if you’ve ever actually been lost, you know it doesn’t work like that.
I know because I’ve been there.
I was working a corporate job—the kind that should have made me feel like I finally caught up in life. After years of studying, navigating migration, and figuring out how to exist in a world that wasn’t built for my brain, I had landed where I was supposed to land. A stable job. A steady paycheck. Benefits.
I should have felt “found.”
Instead, I was drowning in meaningless tasks, forced small talk, and interactions that left me overstimulated and resentful. My life outside of work barely existed because my mind was occupied with all the ways my work life felt intolerable. I was miserable. But if you had asked me what I wanted instead, I wouldn’t have been able to answer. I might have said something vague: “I just want to be calm. I just want to be healthy. I just want to be creative.”
And sure, those things were true. But saying them out loud didn’t bring any real clarity. Because I was still missing the most important piece: Where was I actually standing?
You don’t get clarity by fixating on the future. You get clarity by seeing where you are now—fully, honestly, without numbing or bypassing. If you don’t know where you are on the map, it doesn’t matter how perfect your destination is. You’re still lost.
For a long time, I thought clarity was about knowing exactly who I was. I chased every framework I could find—MBTI, Enneagram, Human Design, astrology, diagnosis, personal development theories. I even wrote my thesis on sense of self in autobiographical narratives because I believed that if I could just collect enough information about myself, I would finally have the clarity I needed to start living.
But clarity isn’t something you unlock by researching yourself to death. It’s something you experience by aligning your life with what actually matters to you. And alignment isn’t about perfect knowledge—it’s about relationship.
Are you in alignment with yourself—past, present, and future? Or do you treat your past self like they were a mess, your present self like they’re not enough, and your future self like some unattainable version who wouldn’t even want to be friends with you?
Are you in alignment with your surroundings? Do the people, places, and structures around you support you—or do they force you to act against your values?
And speaking of values… are you even sure the values you claim as yours are actually yours? Or are they the ones you think you should have? The ones that make you acceptable in your culture, your community, your industry?
When people say they feel stuck, the first thing I ask isn’t “Where do you want to go?” but “Where do you feel stuck?” In your body. In your routine. In which spaces, which conversations, which relationships. Because seeing the patterns of your life as they are is what makes movement possible.
Not another goal. Not another visualization exercise. Not another “get clear on your goals” worksheet.
So if you feel lost, maybe the question isn’t “What do I want?” but “Where am I?”
What do you tolerate that you don’t actually agree with?
What do you keep chasing, even though it never really fulfills you?
What do you think will bring clarity—but deep down, you know it won’t?
Because once you can see those things clearly? That’s when clarity starts to happen.
Not as a sudden realization…
Not as a five-step plan…
But as something that lives in your bones. And that’s the kind of clarity that actually lasts.
